And the radio man says...

Copyright Ian Shane

29 April 2010

Pop Culture Pop Quiz 1: Bond Villain or Rock Star Part 2

Bond Villain or Rock Star Answers

1. Fugazi – Rock Star
Fugazi is a punk band from Washington DC formed in the late 1980s. Their first album was 13 Songs (1989). They went on to record six more. Their last CD was The Argument which came out in 2001. The band is currently on hiatus. Drummer Brendan Canty worked on Bob Mould's 2005 CD Body of Sound .

2. Bjork – Rock Star
Bjork was the lead singer of the Icelandic band The Sugarcubes. She started her solo career in 1993 with her Debut CD, aptly titled Debut . She made her presence know at the 2001 Academy Awards show when she appeared in a “swan dress”. Her latest CD, Surrounded, was released in June, and it features re-mastered and re-mixed songs from her first five CDs.

3. Blofeld – Bond Villain
Ernst Stavro Blofeld is the arch rival of James Bond. Blofeld was the founder of SPECTER, the terror organization who bedeviled Bond for many years. Blofeld killed Bond's wife, Tracy, at the end of Her Majesty's Secret Service, when his assassination attempt of 007 failed. Bond vowed revenge, and finally killed Blofeld at the beginning of For Your Eyes Only . Blofeld is the inspiration of Dr. Evil from the Austin Powers films.

4. Rammstein – Rock Star
Rammstein is the German band who are the founders of “Dance Metal”. Although their music is recorded in German, the band's music has been featured in many American films, such as Lost Highway , Resident Evil , XXX, and the new movie See No Evil .

5. Jaws – Bond Villain
Jaws, played by Richard Kiel, was one of the more intimidating Bond Villain. Standing at 7'2”, and armed with metal teeth, the menacing bad guy was featured in both The Spy Who Loved Me and Moonraker.

6. Oddjob – Bond Villain
Oddjob was the Korean right hand man of Auric Goldfinger. Oddjob's deadly aim with his killer hat cut down Bond Girl Tilly Masterson. Oddjob met his demise by electrocution at Fort Knox .

7. Dio – Rock Star
Ronnie James Dio was a featured guitarist in Black Sabbath and his own band, Dio. Dio's best known song is “Holy Diver”, which was featured in an episode of South Park.  The latest CD, Holy Diver Live is due out later this year.

8. Zorin – Bond Villain
Played by Christopher Walken in A View to A Kill , Max Zorin tried to undermine the American Computer movement by destroying Silicon Valley . To do so, Zorin placed bombs at the San Andres Fault in San Francisco. While doing battle with James Bond (Roger Moore's final appearance as 007), he plummets to his death off the Golden Gate Bridge.

9. Dr. Rain – Rock Star
A dirty trick. Dr. Rain is a College Rock Band from the UK that recorded one notable CD, The Knife Ran Away With The Spoon (1992).

10. Col. Klebb – Bond Villain
Col. Rosa Klebb was a former KGB operative whose defection to SPECTER was kept under raps. In From Russia With Love , she hires the beautiful Tatiana Romanov to seduce Bond, and to help him steal a Soviet lektor. Tatiana, unaware of Klebb's defection, goes along with the plot, but ultimately kills Klebb while she's trying to kill Bond.

How did you do?

9-10 Right - Double Agent
Congratulations, you have out foxed the master, and you are knowledgeable enough to carry this rank.

7-8 Right - Q Branch
You're still quite clever. You can come up with the right answer at the right time, but not suave enough to carry the Double 0 licence.

5-6 Right - Opening Act
Not bad, but you aren't the main attraction. Maybe a few more years of practice, you could be a rock star.

3-4 Right - Roadie
Um--ROCK ON DUDE will be your mantra for many years.

Less Than 3 Right - Boy Band
Nice try. You'll get it right someday.




27 April 2010

Poker Session 2 Review – So Close…


Much like my beloved Red Sox, I started out strong and faded at the end. That, and eventual champion Wyn got his mojo back with a win in Week 7 and a runner up in Week 8 to seal the title by almost 30 points.

If I’m really being honest, the better player won the session. Congratulations, Wyn!

As disappointed as I am that I didn’t hold on for the win, I know that I must get ready for the regional tournament on May 11 at the Blue Fox in Arden Hills. There's still a chance that I can make state, but I'm going to need to play an almost perfect tournament to do it. 
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22 April 2010

Pop Culture Pop Quiz 1: Bond Villain or Rock Star


So this is another repost that was posted on the current ianshane.com, back in the day. This started out as a classroom project, and I thought that it would make a great blog post. I challenged my students to a pop culture pop quiz. Some did well. Others…well, there are no losers in this test. April fill month continues with Bond Villain or Rock Star Part 1, originally posted on August 18, 2006


First off, let me give you some context to this little exercise. I recently challenged my Intro to Radio Studio Class to a "Pop Culture Pop Quiz" to inspire them to think about things that they may not know a lot about.


As an on air personality, your listeners will ask you a score of pop culture questions, and you'd better know the answer. This is the first of soon to be many quick quizzes for my newbies.

Bond Villain or Rock Star

Identify the following names as either a Rock Star of Bond Villain. Don't worry; I'm not going to use a trick question, like Goldfinger (which is both).

1. Fugazi

2. Bjork

3. Blofeld

4. Rammstein

5. Jaws

6. Oddjob

7. Dio

8. Zorin

9. Dr. Rain

10. Col. Klebb

Jot down on a piece of paper your answers and compare them to the answer sheet on page 2. Good luck. MI-6 is counting on you.


20 April 2010

It All Comes Down to This - Week 8 Poker Preview

Who knew the showdown in Week 3 would have been the preview for the championship of Session 2 at Erick’s.

So while I went out on the bubble last Tuesday, and Alan (second place in points) was still playing when I left, the points race tightened up. The only issue is that since the Minnesota Poker League website didn’t update last week, I have no idea how close the points are.

Needless to say, I need to play very well if I’m going to go to state. If not, I have to perform well in the Regional at the Blue Fox just to get to state.

If anyone sings the final countdown, I will throttle him.

Stay tuned. The biggest upset in poker history may happen tonight in St. Paul.



16 April 2010

So Here's The Plan

I’m still working out the bugs for my social media system. This post is actually serving as a test as well as an update. Hopefully, this will all work out swimmingly.

So this is how the Two Penny Opera is going to play out. I’m setting up a calendar for my posts, and I’m going to try to stick with it. As I have learned that it’s best to be consistent with the times and dates of my blog posts, I am going to take full advantage of the scheduler feature on Blogger.

As my Chicagoland contemporary Kingsley Tang posts on his blog Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I will take Tuesdays and Thursdays, with an occasional Saturday post (by the way, if you haven’t read his blog, you really should. Very well done).

So to close out this month, I have two reposts that will show up on the next two Thursdays. I will review the last two weeks of the poker series on the next two Tuesdays. The regularly scheduled program should resume with a post about Scottish band Frightened Rabbit on May 4th.


15 April 2010

Repost - VITAL Idle

Just checking in with a Script Frenzy break and update. I’m about 50 pages in, half waty through. I am on pace to make 100 pages, even with being idle for a few days.

On this fill month post, we’ll go back to my last spring in Indiana. I was part of a quiz show team for our radio station, and our appearance was less than spectacular. The last line of this story was a little chilling, as at this point, I had no idea that I was going to leave Collegetown, USA in just three months. So this is a repost from April 9, 2002 from the original ianshane.com. Enjoy.

April is the month of the greatest competition known to man. It isn’t the final game of the NCAA tourney, the Little 500, or even the Masters. No contest can bring out the true champion in us all like the VITAL quiz bowl.

VITAL (Volunteers In Tutoring Adult Learners) is committed to raising the literacy rate in Bloomington. Every year, the VITAL quiz bowl is the centerpiece of the annual fundraiser that is held at the Monroe County Library Main Branch in downtown Bloomington.

Our company is usually represented by personalities for our sister station, AM 1370 WGCL. The “Chatterboxes” have had a horrid history in the Quiz Bowl. In eight years, we have failed to win a game and advance to the second round. To make matters worse, the team would be without the services of Jeff Dellinger, who planned to be out of town that week. The star player from last year’s team was gone.

I wanted in and I asked to fill Jeff’s shoes. Our Program Director not only took me up on the offer to play, but gave me the Captain’s C for the team…meaning I was the spokesperson for the team on bonus questions.

I showed up at the library to check in. There was a guy sitting by the entrance of the auditorium, “looking official”. Of course, to me, any one that carries a clipboard is official enough.

“I’m Ian Shane checking in for WGCL,” I said.

The guy checks his lists to confirm. It struck me as strange that he had to do that. Was there anybody just itching to get backstage and pretend to be a player for the greater glory to be on cable access for 15 minuets? Satisfied that I was indeed slated to play the game, he hands me a few sheets of paper, a blank nametag, and a black Sharpie Pen.

One of the grips came to us to let us know that it was, as he put it, “go time”. They lead us backstage to our tables. We put our cardboard nameplates to the left of us, as we were instructed to do.

Eight years of being one and done were over. Tichenor Publishing was going down!

During the introductions, the Alex Trebek wannabe instructed each team member to test the buzzer one at a time. He looked right at us and told us to say our names directly in the microphone. Who the hell was he kidding? Out of all the teams playing, we were the only ones that actually make our living by talking into a mic. Thanks, Skippy…I think we got that one.

I was warned before the game to be quick, and I soon found out why. The game started, and Tichenor got off to an early lead, while being a step ahead of me, and the rest of the team. I don’t think that they were smarter, just faster.

We were in need of a rally, and I had been silent all night long. I then rattled off three right answers in a row to make a game of it. It looked as if the Chatterboxes weren’t dead yet. I was like Vinnie “The Microwave” (who could get hot in a hurry…get it) Johnson from the old Detroit Pistons. The host took a break from the action to give a score update, with Tichenor up 90-70. Unfortunately that little time out broke our momentum and Tichenor took full advantage by firing off four straight answers.

The next question, you would think, would be up my alley. “Who became the youngest person to achieve the top of the Billboard charts in 1970?”

Joe buzzed in quickly to answer before fully having the answer. “Uh…the kid from Gary…what his name…Jackson…the weird one…MICHAEL.”

Five points, Chatterboxes.

However, it would not be enough to mount any kind of comeback. That would be the last correct answer that we would conjure. Team Tichenor answered a few more question before the gun went off.

Final Score Tichenor 135, Chatterboxes 75…by most standards, a major ass whippin’. Beaten and broken, I headed off stage with my head hung low. The other members of the team were use to the kind of beheading that we suffered, but I wasn’t. I was brought in to be the one that pushed us over the hump, but I came up short and let the team down.

Well, there’s always next year.

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13 April 2010

Week 6 Review, Week 7 Preview

Another week, another final table appearance at Erick’s Bar in St. Paul. The bad news is that this was my lowest finish in Session 2. The good news is that it helped extend my lead in the points chase. I am now almost 200 points up with 2 weeks to go, which is not a lock for a league session championship and an automatic bid to the state tournament May 22. There are some really good players behind me in the points, and any of the top 10 can win a tournament and pile on some point quickly. However, if I have point finishes the last two weeks, I’ll be in a good position to pull off the biggest improbable run since Butler’s Championship Game appearance.

I was fortunate that the winner and second runner up were new to this session. Let’s hope for more new players and not chopping pots on my only good hands.



08 April 2010

Radio Radio Deleted Scene – Historette

April is officially “fill month” with some reposts, old writings and poker updates. I dug up this poorly written piece from 2001 from the first draft of Radio Radio. I cut this chapter after the first draft, as I felt that it wasn’t needed and it took away from the flow of the story. I’m glad that I wrote this, because as some writers will tell you, there are things that I need to know and my readers don’t.



Lamasco is a medium sized Midwestern town. It’s home to some 250,000 people in the town proper, not including those in the surrounding suburbs of Kennedy, Rosedale, Greenfield, South Lamasco…just to name a few. The town holds on to its rich Irish roots. You can’t throw a rock in town without hitting an Irish Pub.

Irish Catholic settlers found their way to the area after the War of Independence, and settled on the banks of the Shannon River. The town originally started on the east side of the river, an area known as Old Towne. As the town grew, the other side of the Shannon River became part of the growing metropolis. That area of town became known as the West Bank, which is where the university was planted.

As the provincial town grew, the Brothers McManus opened a furniture shop in the Old Towne in 1902. The store was a success, and they quickly became one of the more profitable families in Lamasco. The second store opened in the West Bank a few years later, becoming the first company to straddle both sides of the Shannon.

The McManus Family was granted an AM license in 1923 to operate 1280 AM WLAM. It was originally a marketing tool to sell more furniture. Not too long after that, WLAM evolved to the regional leader in news and entertainment. In the 1939 WLAM signed a deal to become a Mutual Network station, giving it national status. As time went on, WLAM remained Lamasco’s radio leader.

The younger brother, Shamus, died in 1951, willing the station to his eldest son, Patrick “Paddy” McManus. That was also the same year the family McManus was granted a license to run a companion station, 101.3 FM WLFM. It was the first FM station to be licensed in Lamasco.

WLFM was granted an output power of 100,000 watts. This turned out to be a lucky thing for WLFM. After the 1950s, new FM stations were not allowed to operate on such high power. The modern day WLAM still does, since the license was given before the law changed. The station blasts out a very strong signal on the heels of the grandfather clause. There is a strict set of provisos, however. The station may not relocate the studios outside of the city limits, the station may not be off the air for more than 24 hours, and McManus Communications cannot sell the license. Any violation will drop the power to 6,000 watts.

The face of radio changed by the early 70’s. FM stations began to draw more listeners away from the old sound of AM. Rock based shows flourished under the new trend of the FM craze. WLFM was no exception, and quickly became one of the dominant stations of the Midwest. To keep the recognition of the aging powerhouse AM station with the emerging juggernaut WLFM, changed its call letters WLAM, and the AM station’s call letters were changed to WSPM, in honor of the station’s founder.

In 1980, Paddy died and left the station to his then 21 year-old, and youngest, son, Sean. Sean really didn’t know what he was doing with the running of the day-to-day operation. Paddy never really took the time to mentor young Sean on how to run a radio station. The younger McManus had just graduated from Lamasco State University with a degree in business. Realizing his lack of knowledge of radio, he decided to delegate and hired his college roommate Paul Kerry as the station’s General Manager. Paul was way over his head with the responsibility of leading a million dollar operation. After one poorly executed and ill-advised business decision after another, the station was in serious financial trouble. WLAM quickly lost prominence, as a new rock station, WPAN, emerged and out did WLAM on every level. Kerry was shown the door after being in charge for 3 years. His era is marked with both listeners and advertisers leaving in droves.

The station then tried other formats to no avail. Soft rock failed, and Top 40 only brought in a modest audience. Managers were leaving almost as soon as came in. Then in 1992, Sean hired Tom Mulligan, a tested radio veteran from Tucson. He had managed several radio stations and had been thought of as one of the new innovators of the trade. Tom worked with his new PD, Tony Richards and formulated a new kind of rock station. WLAM carved out a unique niche that defied a predetermined formatted description.

He had a knack for turning a radio station around. The unfortunate thing was he also had a knack for leaving stations at the height of their success, which he did in 1996. But he did manage to make WLAM FM the number one station in the metro, and WSPM AM the number 4 station and the top rated AM station, as Lamasco leader for news and talk.

Tom then took a job as GM of a station in New York, leaving the General Sales Manager, John Deavers in charge. As time went on, it was obvious that Tom was brain of the operation. After he left, the station’s ratings declined. Sean blamed Tony for the downturn, leaving his fate to the new GM. John had many opportunities to fire Tony, but never took them.

The ratings started to increase a bit when Shakespeare and Erik were hired after the station purged its staff. WLAM hasn’t really seen the glory of days past, but the pair helped it become competitive again. However, the last ratings period had the station falling to fifth from third overall, but the station managed to hold strong in some key demographics.

Fill Month Continues – Scene From “Public Enemy”

As I noted in a previous blog post, after I finished Radio Radio, my next project would have been a feature length screenplay titled Public Enemy. It focused on John Dillinger’s life after he was arrested in Arizona and extradited back to Indiana.

A few months after I started the project (which by the way was backed by eight years of research), I heard a Wisconsin Public Radio news report about Michael Mann’s movie Public Enemies, a film about John Dillinger starring Johnny Depp.

I was crushed, and I tabled the project for good. So, since I don’t plan on finishing it anytime soon, I’d thought that I would post one of the fist scenes of the film.



EXT. CROWN POINT PRISON – NIGHT
TITLE:
“Crown Point State Prison”
The cars come to a halt in front of the state jail. The ’33 Ford that is carrying Dillinger is approached by two uniformed officers. On of the officers opens the doors, and the two plain clothes detectives get out and lead Dillinger to the door.

Estill runs from behind to catch them.

ESTILL
Hold on a second there.

The two detectives stop. The first detective turns his head around. Estill is still trying to catch up to the three men.

ESTILL(CON’T)
I’ll take him from here.

DETECTIVE 1
Are you sure, sir?

DILLINGER
Of course he’s sure.

Estill takes Dillinger’s left arm. The two detectives let go and take a step back.

DILLINGER
He has reporters and photographers in there waiting for him to bring in John Dillinger.

ESTILL
Are you trying to get a rise out of me, Dillinger?

DILLINGER
No, sir. My father taught me to never disrespect someone who is gracious enough to host me.

ESTILL
Already trying to be a model prisoner.

DILLINGER
I’ve always been a model prisoner, sir.

Estill flashes a cocky smile.

ESTILL
Ready to meet the press?

DILLINGER
I always enjoy an audience.

Estill leads Dillinger up the front stairs of the brick building. There are two more armed police officers. Each one grabs a door and opens them simultaneously.

The CAMERA FOLLOWS Estill and Dillinger into—

INT. CROWN POINT JAIL – CONTINUOUS
As Dillinger and Estill enter the building, there are about fifteen to twenty reporters and photographers in the main room. The reporters are shouting questions for both Estill and Dillinger. Flash bulbs are going off. Estill leads Dillinger past them to the first jail cell. Waiting for them on the other side of the sea of press men is SHERIFF LILLIAN HOLLEY joins them. She is a stoic 40ish woman with dark hair. She is clearly not happy with the press presence. By her demeanor, Estill strong armed her into letting the press in.

Estill stops and turns around, taking Dillinger with him. Dillinger is to Estill’s left, and Lillian Holley is to his right. Dillinger smirks, knowing that he is about to upstage the ambitious district attorney. Estill takes the handcuff key out of his pocket, and unlocks Dillinger’s cuffs. Dillinger looks a little surprised that Estill would free him while he was not in a cell. Dillinger massages his wrists and flexes his fingers. Estill raises both hands, almost victoriously.

ESTILL
Gentlemen of the press, this is a glorious day in the history in Indiana Justice—

Sherriff Holley rolls her eyes and mutters, “Oh brother.”

ESTILL(CON’T)
The capture and extradition of this man is made possible by the joint cooperation of the Arizona State Police, and the Indiana Department of Justice.

One reporter raises his hand.

REPORTER 1
Mr. Estill, John Dillinger is wanted in many other states. How did you get him.

ESTILL
We asked.

REPORTER 2
Mr. Estill, what do you say to the people who say that your pursuit of John Dillinger is nothing more than a stunt to get to the Governor’s Mansion?

ESTILL
I’d say even my critics think that I can be Governor.

REPORTER 2
Well, what do you think, Mr. Dillinger? Are you the sacrificial lamb for Governor Estill?

Estill looks at Dillinger and shoots him a foreboding look.

DILLINGER
I don’t know.

Dillinger looks at Estill and pats him on his back.

DILLINGER(CON’T)
I think that he’d make a fine Governor.

REPORTER 2
Why do you say that?

Dillinger flashes a smile.

DILLINGER
I like his tough position on crime.

The reporters laugh.

REPORTER 3
Mr. Dillinger. Were you involved in the killing of a police officer during the First National Bank and Trust robbery in East Chicago?

DILLINGER
Of course not. I was in Florida that day. And call me John.

REPORTER 3
There are witnesses that said that you were the man who killed Officer O’Malley.

DILLINGER
The witnesses saw a man of medium height and medium build with dark slicked back hair kill Officer O’Malley. Now, that could be anybody. As a matter of fact—

He seizes up the Reporter.

DILLINGER(CON’T)
You match that description.

Some of the reporters laugh

DILLINGER(CON’T)
Where were you on January 15th.

REPORTER 3
In Terre Haute with my in-laws.

DILLINGER
You should have been in Florida with me. You would have had a better time.

All of the reporters laugh.

REPORTER 3
You’re probably right, John.

DILLINGER
I’m against killing. It’s an option of last resort that I have never taken.

REPORTER 4
So you do admit that you rob banks.

DILLINGER
Absolutely.

The reporter is a little surprised at Dillinger’s honesty.

REPOTER 4
Why?

DILLINGER
Legal fees.

The reporters laugh again, as do some of the police officers. Estill is starting to get annoyed that the focus of the press conference has shifted from him to Dillinger.

DILLINGER
I rob banks, but they aren’t the good guys. I seem to read in your newspapers that banks all over the country are closing and keeping people’s money. They rob from families and create orphans on a daily basis. These are the people I take from. In the interest of fairness, I challenge Mr. Estill to bring justice to every bank president in Indiana so I don’t have to.

The reporters start to clap and cheer. Dillinger smiles and looks over to Estill.

DILLINGER
They seem to like it. You can use it on the campaign trail, if you want to.

ESTILL
(coldly)
I’ll keep that in mind.

REPORTER 2
John, what do you think of the “escape proof” Crown Point Jail?

Dillinger smirks.

DILLINGER
Well, it’s a nice place to visit, but I wouldn’t want to live here.

The reporters laugh again.

02 April 2010

Scene 43 From My 2009 Script Frenzy Screenplay

Now that I am in the thick of Script Frenzy, I won’t really have any new posts for a while. So until R and R is finished (or April 30), this blog will have some filler material (especially now that I know how to work Blogger’s scheduler).


This is one of my favorite scenes from last year’s Script Frenzy entry, Foo Fighter. As noted in the previous entry, It is the story of Danny Shepherd, a documentary film maker who stumbles onto a UFO crash site 12 miles off the cost of Long Beach. The story starts at the controversial Battle of Los Angeles, and then moves to modern day Southern California. Shepherd (a UFO skeptic), his best friend and partner, and a tabloid reporter are hunted by Naval Intelligence, the guardians of this secret since World War II. In this scene, Danny, Marcus and Lydia are on the run. The rest, is rather self explanatory.

INT. DANNY’S APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS 43
Danny turns on the light, and we see an apartment that is totally trashed. Clothes are strewn all over the place. Books and papers are scattered on the floor. It looks like the aftermath of a moderate California earthquake. They walk in and Marcus closes the door behind him. Danny quickly moves to the bedroom.

LYDIA
Oh my God. They ransacked the place.

MARCUS
No, it was this way yesterday.

Lydia looks at Marcus in disbelief.

MARCUS (CONT’D)
He gets a little disorganized during pre-production.

LYDIA
OK.

Danny comes back carrying A BLACK BAG and his LAPTOP BACKPACK.

DANNY
Got it, let’s go.

MARCUS
How much do we have.

DANNY
A few grand.

MARCUS
That’ll help for a few days.

DANNY
I’m hoping that it won’t take that long.


MARCUS
Well, we should come up with "Plan B"

DANNY
When haven’t we?

MARCUS
I mean, something better than "get a new ’Plan A’."

We hear a noise outside the door. Marcus, still with the bat moves to the door. Danny motions for Lydia to go to the bedroom, which she does. Marcus cocks the bat, ready to swing at whoever is at the door. A BALDING MAN wearing a cheap business suit opens the door. He is in his mid 40s. The man looks like the 90 pound weakling all grown up, and without the help of the Charlie Atlas exercise plan. He turns and sees Marcus about to clock him with the bat. Marcus lets out a primal scream, prompting the balding man to put up his hands and scream as well. Marcus pulls the swing when he realizes the cowering man is not a threat to him or the others. The balding man looks over at Danny, who finally gets his first good look at his intruder.

DANNY
Morris?

The frightened man nods in acknowledgment.

DANNY (CONT’D)
Hit him anyway, Marcus.

MORRIS
I wouldn’t. I’m a lawyer.

Morris finally stands upright and straightens his tie.

DANNY
What are you doing here, Morris?

MORRIS
I heard on the news that you were presumed dead, and I--

DANNY
Was going to troll for anything that was worth something?

MORRIS
Leslie expressed an interest in finding something, for sentimental value. Besides, the divorce isn’t final yet. She’s entitled to any and all property in the event of your death.

DANNY
Which reports of have been greatly exaggerated.

Lydia walks in from the bedroom. Morris takes a look, and finds this little development interesting.

MORRIS
I’m sorry, did I come at a bad time?

DANNY
Anytime you show up, it’s a bad time.

Morris walks over to Lydia.

MORRIS
Aren’t you going to introduce me?

DANNY
Lydia, this is Morris Fletcher, Esquire; representing the future former Mrs. Sheperd. Morris, this is Lydia Ross. She’s a woman of great compassion and is giving to others needs, you’re probably unfamiliar with the type.

Morris takes her hand and he kisses it.

MORRIS
Charmed.

LYDIA
(social fakes it poorly)
Nice to meet you.

DANNY
Careful, Lydia. If he bites you, you’ll live forever.

MORRIS
Well, it’s nice to see that you are still alive.

DANNY
Yeah, I’m sure it is.

MORRIS
Anything that you want me to pass along to Leslie?

DANNY
Bite me. Burn in Hell. STD tests are free on Wednesdays at county health centers.

MORRIS
I’ll tell her that you send your best.