Originally posted on ianshane.com 26 April, 2006
Sure, I was in Vegas for the NAB convention, but I spent some quality time away from the Hilton to renew my passion for Vegas. When I went last June, I was but a Vegas novice. Now, I am the master, and I shall pass along the Sin City Survival guide in the TOP 5 THINGS I LEARNED IN VEGAS.
1. If she's wearing black, high heels, and she's always checking her cell phone...
She's a hooker. Plain and simple. I know that we want to believe that she's a hot girl who is genuinely interested in what we have to say, but she's a pro. Sorry. They're crafty too. The really good ones will really chat you up until you're so into her, that you would really consider springing the five bills just to get her in the room. I'd consider letting my Advertising Sales class follow the really good ones around to learn how to pitch a client.
2 Even if you can't afford to stay there, the Venetian is the place to be.
This place is beautiful, and it's fairly easy to win. To this date, the Venetian is the ONLY casino that lost money to me. I don't know how that place stays in business with high rollers like me walking in and winning a grand total of $39.85. They hate me.
3. No matter how good the shoes, your feet will hurt at the end of the day.
I had comfortable shoe with new shock absorbers in the insoles, and I still felt like I walked to Hoboken in six inch heels with a rock in the bottom (not that I do that). Granted, I did a lot of standing and walking, but come on! Dr. Scholls is supposed to handle the job.
4. Penny slots are the dope places to play.
Low return, granted, but the odds are much better. The way to play is to bet as many lines as possible. Don't believe me, ask the kids at the Venetian (see item 2). You can play for hours on $10 and the waitresses will still bring you a scotch.
And, most importantly...
5. Don't drink with Richard.
Email me--I'll tell you the story.
11 May 2009
08 May 2009
Hart(ford)less Victory
Originally posted on ianshane.com 20 June 2006
For those who are about to say “get over it”, screw you.
The people of Hartford have every right to be pissed about the Carolina Hurricanes winning the Stanley Cup—especially after NBC showed Peter Karmanos celebrating in the owner's box. It's been nine years since the Whalers left the Nutmeg State and headed to North Carolina.
North Carolina. Good hockey country.
Let me put it to you in non-hockey terms. You've been dating this great girl for a long time. She then dumps you for a loser that's chronically unemployed, who doesn’t have a clean shirt in his wardrobe, and does nothing but sit on the couch and drink beer. Then, she wins the lottery and marries the son of a bitch.
Being a Hartford Whalers fan, I learned that the personality of the team you follow mirrors your personality. It may sound a little silly, but it's true. And for the younger brother of guy whose shadow was difficult to get out of, I could relate to a team that played just a few miles away from Boston and New York. The Whale were hidden behind the glamorous Rangers, Islanders, and Bruins. Throughout high school and college, I felt The Whalers' pain of not being good enough.
When Karmanos announced the team was moving, I felt betrayed, even though I didn't live in Hartford. I’ve never even been there. It was worse for me. My brother in arms were being altered. My team was the group of misfits that played in an undersized arena, always overlooked, and struggling to get by (how I felt working radio in Bloomington, Indiana, sending out airchecks and résumés almost daily, and eating mustard sandwiches). All of a sudden, the Whale were moving to North Carolina and becoming something else.
But, we’ve already covered this.
As soon as they got there, they instantly changed. They were no longer the kid living among giants, but they were the lost boys in a place they had no business being and weren't even welcomed.
They played in front of 9,000 fans per game their first season in Carolina, and I was convinced that they would come crawling back home within three years.
Served them right.
Eventually they made the playoffs, and the people of Raleigh started to warm up to the ‘Canes. The team made the Stanley Cup finals, and they got hammered by the Red Wings in five games. The menace of the Hurricanes seemed to subside as they missed the playoffs the next year and the lockout cancelled the season after that.
But the Hurricanes made the Finals for the second time in four playoff seasons. They came back and bested the Edmonton Oilers in a thrilling Game 7. I felt the twinge of “should have” as the final goal clinched the game for Carolina. I quietly turned off the streaming radio feed and shut off my computer.
Hartford is trying to get another team, and they just might get one. The Pittsburgh Penguins are for sale, and they will more than likely relocate. A Hartford business man is going to make a bid, and press the state to build a new stadium.
But for me, it won't be the same. Even if the Pens move to Hartford, and Karmanos does the honorable thing (which would be a first) and gives the name back to the city, they won't be my Whalers. They'd just be the Penguins in blue, silver, and green. I may root for them in the East, for sentiment sake, but I can't become a fan.
It's just not who I am anymore.
For those who are about to say “get over it”, screw you.
The people of Hartford have every right to be pissed about the Carolina Hurricanes winning the Stanley Cup—especially after NBC showed Peter Karmanos celebrating in the owner's box. It's been nine years since the Whalers left the Nutmeg State and headed to North Carolina.
North Carolina. Good hockey country.
Let me put it to you in non-hockey terms. You've been dating this great girl for a long time. She then dumps you for a loser that's chronically unemployed, who doesn’t have a clean shirt in his wardrobe, and does nothing but sit on the couch and drink beer. Then, she wins the lottery and marries the son of a bitch.
Being a Hartford Whalers fan, I learned that the personality of the team you follow mirrors your personality. It may sound a little silly, but it's true. And for the younger brother of guy whose shadow was difficult to get out of, I could relate to a team that played just a few miles away from Boston and New York. The Whale were hidden behind the glamorous Rangers, Islanders, and Bruins. Throughout high school and college, I felt The Whalers' pain of not being good enough.
When Karmanos announced the team was moving, I felt betrayed, even though I didn't live in Hartford. I’ve never even been there. It was worse for me. My brother in arms were being altered. My team was the group of misfits that played in an undersized arena, always overlooked, and struggling to get by (how I felt working radio in Bloomington, Indiana, sending out airchecks and résumés almost daily, and eating mustard sandwiches). All of a sudden, the Whale were moving to North Carolina and becoming something else.
But, we’ve already covered this.
As soon as they got there, they instantly changed. They were no longer the kid living among giants, but they were the lost boys in a place they had no business being and weren't even welcomed.
They played in front of 9,000 fans per game their first season in Carolina, and I was convinced that they would come crawling back home within three years.
Served them right.
Eventually they made the playoffs, and the people of Raleigh started to warm up to the ‘Canes. The team made the Stanley Cup finals, and they got hammered by the Red Wings in five games. The menace of the Hurricanes seemed to subside as they missed the playoffs the next year and the lockout cancelled the season after that.
But the Hurricanes made the Finals for the second time in four playoff seasons. They came back and bested the Edmonton Oilers in a thrilling Game 7. I felt the twinge of “should have” as the final goal clinched the game for Carolina. I quietly turned off the streaming radio feed and shut off my computer.
Hartford is trying to get another team, and they just might get one. The Pittsburgh Penguins are for sale, and they will more than likely relocate. A Hartford business man is going to make a bid, and press the state to build a new stadium.
But for me, it won't be the same. Even if the Pens move to Hartford, and Karmanos does the honorable thing (which would be a first) and gives the name back to the city, they won't be my Whalers. They'd just be the Penguins in blue, silver, and green. I may root for them in the East, for sentiment sake, but I can't become a fan.
It's just not who I am anymore.
07 May 2009
Vegas, Baby! Vegas!
Originally posted on ianshane.com 10 June, 2005
In honor of this year's Vegas trip, I figured that finding the Top 5 Vegas movies was a worthy and noble quest. There are many fine movies about Las Vegas (like Oceans 11) and there are some God-awful flicks about Nevada 's number 1 vacation destination (Showgirls). Refining this list wasn't an easy task, but one I took with great enthusiasm.
1. The Godfather/The Godfather Part II
I have to group these together. Although it would be naïve to think that the mob was not in Vegas until the early 1960s, the story details how the Corleone Family took control of the Tropicana from the unlucky Moe Green (unlucky as the casino lost money under his management…oh yeah, and getting shot in the eye was unlucky too). Las Vegas isn't mentioned much in Part II, but the base of operation for Michael is still Sin City. I learned a valuable lesson from these two movies…never go fishing with a ruthless killer friend of your brother.
2. Swingers
Mike and Trent are in Vegas for only 10 minutes of the movie, but it still ranks #2 on the Top 5 list. From Swingers, we learn to always double down on 11 even if you're betting with “blood money”, Vegas waitresses are easy if you're money and you don't quote Voltaire, and to always wear a suit if you want free stuff in Vegas. I'll even forgive that Trent valet parks at the Stardust (on the Strip), and end up playing blackjack at the Fremont (downtown), and the shots of Strip are out of order if they are driving from the south (as they would be coming from LA).
3. Diamonds Are Forever
Vegas and Bond both featured in one flick? I'm in! The last real Bond movie with Sean Connery (Never Say Never Again doesn't count) takes 007 to Vegas to stop the flow of smuggled stolen diamonds from South Africa . Bond not only battles the first openly gay super villain couple, he also has to endure the worst Bond girl, ever (Jill St. John as Tiffany Case? What the hell was Guy Hamilton thinking?). Bond protects a guy who was more of a Howard Hughes than Leonardo DiCaprio in the Aviator (which isn't saying much), while Q wins big at the Circus Circus casino thanks to a smart looking device he created.
4. Very Bad Things
How many times have you gone to a bachelor party, only to have one of the group accidentally kill a hooker in the throws of some cocaine enhanced bathroom sex? This foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little bachelor parties everywhere. Even though it didn't do well in box office and in video sales, and the critics hated it, Very Bad Things deserves to be on this list. Jon Favreau (which if you're keeping score at home, is the only actor to be on this list twice) delivers a flawless performance in a dark comedy with shades of an Alfred Hitchcock story.
5. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Sure, logic would dictate that Las Vegas is not the city you want to be in if you're on psychedelic drugs, but the movie proves this theory hands down. The first time I saw it, I hated it. However, since I've read the Hunter S. Thompson classic, I understand where director Terry Gilliam was coming from with the unusual animations. Fear and Loathing is a great insight on what being on drugs must be like.
Also receiving votes: Oceans 11 (the original), Rain Man, Bugsy, Honeymoon in Vegas, Leaving Las Vegas (even if Nick Cage is in the last two, they were still pretty good.)
In honor of this year's Vegas trip, I figured that finding the Top 5 Vegas movies was a worthy and noble quest. There are many fine movies about Las Vegas (like Oceans 11) and there are some God-awful flicks about Nevada 's number 1 vacation destination (Showgirls). Refining this list wasn't an easy task, but one I took with great enthusiasm.
1. The Godfather/The Godfather Part II
I have to group these together. Although it would be naïve to think that the mob was not in Vegas until the early 1960s, the story details how the Corleone Family took control of the Tropicana from the unlucky Moe Green (unlucky as the casino lost money under his management…oh yeah, and getting shot in the eye was unlucky too). Las Vegas isn't mentioned much in Part II, but the base of operation for Michael is still Sin City. I learned a valuable lesson from these two movies…never go fishing with a ruthless killer friend of your brother.
2. Swingers
Mike and Trent are in Vegas for only 10 minutes of the movie, but it still ranks #2 on the Top 5 list. From Swingers, we learn to always double down on 11 even if you're betting with “blood money”, Vegas waitresses are easy if you're money and you don't quote Voltaire, and to always wear a suit if you want free stuff in Vegas. I'll even forgive that Trent valet parks at the Stardust (on the Strip), and end up playing blackjack at the Fremont (downtown), and the shots of Strip are out of order if they are driving from the south (as they would be coming from LA).
3. Diamonds Are Forever
Vegas and Bond both featured in one flick? I'm in! The last real Bond movie with Sean Connery (Never Say Never Again doesn't count) takes 007 to Vegas to stop the flow of smuggled stolen diamonds from South Africa . Bond not only battles the first openly gay super villain couple, he also has to endure the worst Bond girl, ever (Jill St. John as Tiffany Case? What the hell was Guy Hamilton thinking?). Bond protects a guy who was more of a Howard Hughes than Leonardo DiCaprio in the Aviator (which isn't saying much), while Q wins big at the Circus Circus casino thanks to a smart looking device he created.
4. Very Bad Things
How many times have you gone to a bachelor party, only to have one of the group accidentally kill a hooker in the throws of some cocaine enhanced bathroom sex? This foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little bachelor parties everywhere. Even though it didn't do well in box office and in video sales, and the critics hated it, Very Bad Things deserves to be on this list. Jon Favreau (which if you're keeping score at home, is the only actor to be on this list twice) delivers a flawless performance in a dark comedy with shades of an Alfred Hitchcock story.
5. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
Sure, logic would dictate that Las Vegas is not the city you want to be in if you're on psychedelic drugs, but the movie proves this theory hands down. The first time I saw it, I hated it. However, since I've read the Hunter S. Thompson classic, I understand where director Terry Gilliam was coming from with the unusual animations. Fear and Loathing is a great insight on what being on drugs must be like.
Also receiving votes: Oceans 11 (the original), Rain Man, Bugsy, Honeymoon in Vegas, Leaving Las Vegas (even if Nick Cage is in the last two, they were still pretty good.)
06 May 2009
Repost--Two Bottle Movies: Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
So, I’ve redesigned the web site, and I have found some of these old essays that are sitting on my server. There are no links to them; forgotten and hidden away like Jimmy Hoffa. I don’t plan to have an archive page, as the site is going to be more Radio Radio centric. As the next few weeks pass, I will repost some of these gems, and I will start writing new material as well. Enjoy.
Two Bottle Movies: Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Originally posted on ianshane.com 6 June, 2006
A little bit more than a year ago, my friend Andie purposely rented this movie called Liquid Sky. She told me that it was quite possible the best bad movie of all time. And yes, she was right, it was a really bad movie. The thing that made it entertaining was the two bottles of wine we split.
Thus, a tradition was born.
Here we go with today's movie...
Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1979)
Peter Frampton, The Bee Gees, George Burns, a bunch of other people that makes this movie sooooo 70's.
“Plot”
Sergeant Pepper's grandson (Frampton) takes over as the musical leader of “Heartland”. When the he and his band (The Bee Gees) sign a recording contract and leave town, Mean Mr. Mustard steals the valuable instruments from the Sgt. Pepper's Museum, and somehow manages to turn Heartland into Porn City. The band must return the instruments and kick Mustard out of town by calling on Earth, Wind and Fire.
What Makes This a Bad Movie?
You know, if I were John Lennon, I too would pray for someone to shoot me after this movie was made. Lennon and McCartney signing the musical rights for this movie was the biggest Beatles blunder since they let Ringo sing.
Let me give you an idea of how bad this movie is. They made George Burns sing--and that wasn't the low point. But here are some things to look for when you are watching this movie.
- Sandy Farina's version of “Who Loves the Sun” was the worst hatchet job on George Harrison, and this guy was actually attacked by a guy armed with a hatchet.
- Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees…there's four of them, and they're in different colors. Wasn't that prophesied somewhere to be the end of the world?
- Steve Martin and Peter Frampton's duel.
- Alice Cooper's Ron Jeremy style moustache.
- Aerosmith singing a Beatles song (OK, that's funny).
Any Saving Graces?
Billy Preston's version of “Get Back”. The song only…how it fit in the story was actually kinda stupid.
The Wine:
Jake's Fault Shiraz (2003) A very decent Shiraz . It has a nice rich taste, but has a tendency to be a little too bitter.
The Little Penguin Cabernet (2001) Very tasty indeed. It has a smooth taste and is not obtrusive at all. A very good find, and inexpensive, too.
Two Bottle Movies: Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Originally posted on ianshane.com 6 June, 2006
A little bit more than a year ago, my friend Andie purposely rented this movie called Liquid Sky. She told me that it was quite possible the best bad movie of all time. And yes, she was right, it was a really bad movie. The thing that made it entertaining was the two bottles of wine we split.
Thus, a tradition was born.
Here we go with today's movie...
Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1979)
Peter Frampton, The Bee Gees, George Burns, a bunch of other people that makes this movie sooooo 70's.
“Plot”
Sergeant Pepper's grandson (Frampton) takes over as the musical leader of “Heartland”. When the he and his band (The Bee Gees) sign a recording contract and leave town, Mean Mr. Mustard steals the valuable instruments from the Sgt. Pepper's Museum, and somehow manages to turn Heartland into Porn City. The band must return the instruments and kick Mustard out of town by calling on Earth, Wind and Fire.
What Makes This a Bad Movie?
You know, if I were John Lennon, I too would pray for someone to shoot me after this movie was made. Lennon and McCartney signing the musical rights for this movie was the biggest Beatles blunder since they let Ringo sing.
Let me give you an idea of how bad this movie is. They made George Burns sing--and that wasn't the low point. But here are some things to look for when you are watching this movie.
- Sandy Farina's version of “Who Loves the Sun” was the worst hatchet job on George Harrison, and this guy was actually attacked by a guy armed with a hatchet.
- Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees…there's four of them, and they're in different colors. Wasn't that prophesied somewhere to be the end of the world?
- Steve Martin and Peter Frampton's duel.
- Alice Cooper's Ron Jeremy style moustache.
- Aerosmith singing a Beatles song (OK, that's funny).
Any Saving Graces?
Billy Preston's version of “Get Back”. The song only…how it fit in the story was actually kinda stupid.
The Wine:
Jake's Fault Shiraz (2003) A very decent Shiraz . It has a nice rich taste, but has a tendency to be a little too bitter.
The Little Penguin Cabernet (2001) Very tasty indeed. It has a smooth taste and is not obtrusive at all. A very good find, and inexpensive, too.
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