My Life With The Thrill Kill Colts

It's no secret that I am a huge Colts fan. This is not a recent development that started when some guy named Peyton came to town 12 seasons ago. I date back to the Jack Trudeau/Ron Meyer era. Sure, I was a fan of other teams in the past as well. To be fair, I was 11 when the Colts played their first game in the venue formally known as the Hoosier Dome (to this day, I refuse to call it by its corporate name, as the same year the Radio Company of America gave the Circle City a huge check for naming rights was the same year they closed the RCA/Thompson plant in Bloomington because of budgetary reasons. Nice, isn't it). Plus, if I wanted to root for a team in January, it couldn't be the Colts (for a long time, I was a Dolphin fan, too). With the Pacers in state, I was convinced that Indy would never be the home of a professional sports champion (The ABA era doesn't count). Sure, every now and then, the Colts would have a winning season, but nothing consistent.

I really started to get into the Colts in 1995. I was working promotions at WGBF, and our radio station had done some charity work with Colt Tight End Ken Dilger (who is also a Southern Indiana native). That season, I went to my first Colt game with my brother (Indy is a good three hour drive from Evansville). They lost to the San Diego Chargers, a defeat that would be avenged in the AFC playoffs. The Colts made it to the AFC Championship game that year, and got screwed out of making the Super Bowl, thanks to Kordell Stewart's illegal TD catch before halftime, and the pass interference no call in the end zone on the last play. I'm still convinced that the Colts would have beaten the Dallas Cowboys that year for the Lombardi Trophy—a theory that was bolstered by the Colts beating the Cowboys AT DALLAS 25-24 in week 3 of the next season.

When I moved to Bloomington, I was able to watch the Colts every Sunday, and my love of the boys in blue grew. I hung with them during the Lindy Infante seasons, and then hoped they got the 1998 draft right. Indy picked Peyton Manning, and the rest was history. The Colts started to build a juggernaut that would eventually break the record for franchise victories in a decade. It was a magical time.

I'd like to take a little credit for the hiring of Tony Dungy. I was working nights at WTTS after Dungy was unjustly fired in Tampa. Knowing that Indy was looking for a new head coach and that Colts owner Jim Irsay listened to our station, I repeatedly stated on the air that Dungy would make the Colts a contender. A month later, Dungy was hired. Coincident? I would have asked for confirmation of my influence during my bizarre interview with Irsay later that off-season, but his 15 minute answer of the question "How are you, Jim?" took us to commercial break.

Being a Colts fan is advanced fandom. You have to endure drafting Chris Chandler and Jeff George, and the consistent pantsing by the New England Hatriots. You have to hear Mel Kiper Jr. tell the world that the Colts don't understand what the draft is all about, and that's why they'll be a bad team for a very long time. You had to watch home games on a field that looked like pool felt in the Mini-Me version of Minneapolis's Metro Dome. Every Dan Marino milestone that is perfectly preserved on NFL films was captured in Indy. Indianapolis endured threats of nuclear obliteration by the great city of Baltimore (even after they stole the Browns from Cleveland).

All of it was worth it three years ago. A Super Bowl Championship. Hot damn.

There have many storylines that have popped out in the time since the conference championship games. However, for as ridiculous as some of these are, here are some subplots that haven't surface. Why the hell not, there are two weeks and 24 hour coverage. And I'd be willing to bet, if Dwight Freeney was healthy, some may have come up.

The Lincoln Had A Secretary Named Kennedy Subplot: Manning is from New Orleans, Breese play college ball in Indiana.

The What Could Have Been Subplot: Manning almost left Tennessee after his junior year to enter the draft, and was projected to be the number one pick overall. The team who had the first pick that year? New Orleans. With Manning deciding to finish his colligate career, The Saints instead drafted Florida QB Danny Wuerffel.

The Should Have Been Bowl Subplot: The last time the Colts played in the Super Bowl three years ago, also in Miami, they faced the Bears. The Bears beat the Saints in the NFC Championship Game.

The Jim Mora Subplot: The two greatest coach's meltdowns in the history of the NFL were perpetrated by Jim Mora. One when he was the coach of the Colts, and the other when he was the coach of the Saints.





The Dome Sweet Done Subplot: This is the first time in the history of the Super Bowl that both teams that play their home games in an indoor stadium are facing off in the Super Bowl.

The You Really Should Forget Your First Time Subplot: Record of first time Super Bowl teams in the championship game (not including first time teams playing another first time team): 4-12. The winners were the Pittsburgh Steelers (SB IX against Minnesota), New York Giants (SB XXI against Denver), Baltimore Ravens (SB XXV against the Giants), Tampa Bay Buccaneers (SB XXXVII against Oakland). The losers were the Minnesota Vikings (SB IV against the Chiefs), Dallas Cowboys (SB V against the Colts), Denver Broncos (SB XII against Dallas), LA Rams (SB XIV against Pittsburgh), Philadelphia Eagles (SB XV against Oakland), Buffalo Bills (SB XXV against the Giants), San Diego Chargers (SB XXIX against San Francisco), Atlanta Falcons (SB XXXIII against Denver), Tennessee Titans (SB XXXIV against the Rams), Carolina Panthers (SB XXXVIII against the Hatriots), Seattle Seahawks (SB XL against Pittsburgh), and the Arizona Cardinals (SB XLIII against Pittsburgh). The Saints play in their first ever Super Bowl.

The Miami Colts Subplot: The Colts have made the Super Bowl four times. Each time, the game was in Miami. Wearing the white unis, the Colts are 2-0. Wearing the blue uniforms, they are 0-1. The Colts wear blue Sunday.

The Indianapolis Saints Subplot: Before Robert Irsay moved the Colts to the Hoosier Dome, Indianapolis real estate developer Bob Welch tried to buy the New Orleans Saints from John Mecom in order to relocate them to Indy. Mecom instead sold the team to Tom Benson, and kept the team in New Orleans.

All this being said, I like the odds for my boys, even without Freeney. I say that after a bit of a rough start, Manning figures out how to dissect the Saints D, and picks them apart. Final Score: Indy 31, Saints 21.

It’s Time To Move On, Baltimore

There is nothing but hate in the town of Baltimore. Even after 26 years, the bile from the fan base continues. When the name "Bob Irsay" is uttered, the bad memories come rushing out as if the Mayflower trucks had pulled out just yesterday. Now that the Colts have beaten the Ravens 20-3 in the divisional playoff game, I doubt that the anger will go away.

In an column in the Baltimore Sun titled "Ravens' Victory Would Be Sweet for Fans, Franchise on Several Levels" written by the aptly named Peter Schmuck, the ghosts of football franchises past are referred to again, and the pain and agony of losing a pretty bad football team who wouldn't win a playoff game for another 11 years is highlighted. Schmuck tells tales about how a Ravens victory would have been the second biggest win in franchise history, first of course being the Super Bowl win 9 years ago. Yes, Baltimore was the home of the Vince Lombardi Trophy before Indianapolis.

One fan replied in prose…

Winning this game will dim that fateful night, when that pig Irsay stole our Colts with out giving us a chance to fight.
Knock that horseshoe off their helmets and compare them no more, to the legend of Johnny U, Berry and Moore.
Our team is ready to hit and tackle, a win would bust that Indy shackle.
The Super Bowl would be nice and great to win, but beating the Indy colts tonight would give it to Irsay, right on the chin.

I guess that fan didn't hear that Bob Irsay has been dead for 14 years.

So I have a few things that I would like to request. In the future when these two teams meet in the playoffs, could we please stop fighting the battle of who could care less.

To football fans in Baltimore: It's been 26 years. Perhaps, you should move on.

To ESPN and the sensational media: Every time the Colts and Ravens play, stop showing the Mayflower Trucks.

To the people who insist on bringing this up every single time these two teams play: Tell the whole story.

• The Colts have had a vagabond history. Originally the Dayton Triangles, the team lifted anchor and moved to New York and became the Brooklyn Dodgers in 1930. The team then changed the name to the Brooklyn Tigers. The next year, the Tigers merged with the Boston Yankees. In 1949 the Boston Yankees moved to New York to become the New York Yanks. The team moved again in 1952, this time to Dallas, and became the original Dallas Texans. The Texans moved to Baltimore in 1953, and changed the name to the Colts. So if you're keeping score at home, that's six relocations in the team's 80 years.
  
• The Colts had been threatening to relocate as early as 1971 if they didn't get a new stadium.
  
• Memorial Stadium "featured" non backed bleachers…in the 1980s.
  
• Attendance had been dropping at Memorial Stadium steadily for 7 years.
  
• Baltimore got the Ravens in the same manner Indy got the Colts. Nobody seemed to mind then.

So to the huddled masses in the greater Baltimore area, just stop talking about it. Stop officially referring to the Colts as "The Professional Football Franchise from Indianapolis." Get off your high horse (yes, every pun intended). The people of Cleveland have forgotten that your Ravens are nothing more than the Browns in purple. In fact, both sports franchises in Baltimore originated in other cities (the Baltimore Orioles were once the St. Louis Browns…ironically enough).

Just stop the noise.

See Ya On The Way Back Down

Also posted on the Indy Star blog Tales of a Hoosier Ex-Pat

The Kentucky Wildcats should be congratulated on their 90-73 victory over a tenacious Indiana University squad looking for their 5^th win. Kentucky and Indiana are two teams at different stages. Kentucky is playing at a championship level with the ability to make huge runs. They look a lot like the UNC team that took home the national championship in April, and is my early choice to run everyone they face out of the bracket this spring. They have a chance to make a run at Indiana's undefeated mark (unless my old friend Bruce Pearl has anything to say about it).

Indiana is in year two of Extreme Makeover: College Basketball Edition. It's not so much a rebuilding year, but more of a reconstruction effort so massive, it may qualify for stimulus money. The Hoosiers had some early missteps this year, including an embarrassing loss to my wife's alma mater, Boston University (which she has not let me forget). They did get a huge road win over Pitt earlier in the week. It's not like taking down UNC or Michigan State, but it's a win over a really good team. Indiana has a great freshman in Mo Creek (play on Mo Cheeks), and junior transfer Jeremiah Rivers plays with an energy level that the Hoosier Nation hasn't seen since a young A.J. Moye donned number 2. Plus, Indiana has the energetic young coach it's been looking for since they jettisoned Robert Montgomery Knight.

Next year, Indiana will contend for a Big Ten title. Next year, Kentucky may be under the microscope.

So this part of the post is to the Kentucky faithful. Look, I know that we haven't always gotten along. Actually we really don't like each other all that much, but I beg of you…boot John Calipari as soon as possible.

Please.

I know what you're thinking. I'm a bitter, jealous Indiana apologist who wants to taint the victory with unfounded accusations of wrong doing by bringing in ringers and ineligible rent-a-players.

Calipari is a bad guy.

Really.

His résumé says that Coach Cal has made two Final Fours. In reality, he has had team scrimmage in two "Final Threes". His first star Marcus Camby took $20,000, bling, and prostitutes from an agent (Sidebar: Really, you needed prostitutes…you went to UMass. You couldn't find a cadre of college women who were willing to throw themselves at you…at the same time? You're Marcus Camby, Dammit!). Neither the school nor Calipari were implicated in the scandal. However, the NCAA declared Camby ineligible, each game was vacated, and Calipari bolted to New Jersey. No further investigation was warranted.

Coach Cal found his way to Memphis after failing in the NBA. He started to build up a Tiger program that needed a renaissance. Memphis slowly started to build the dominate program in Conference USA (which isn't saying much. Oooo you beat the crap out of DePaul).Then Calipari recruited a Chicago guy named Derrick Rose. He wasn't too bright, so somebody else took the SAT for him. Oddly enough, the NCAA thought that it sounded like academic fraud. Once again, Calipari was not implicated, but Memphis lost their second Final Four (1985 was vacated as well). There was no further investigation, because Rose left the school to go to the NBA, and Calipari left for Kentucky.

This year at Kentucky, Cal has John Wall. He's an almost definite rent-a-player who will declare himself eligible for the NBA Draft that will either land him in Minnesota or New Jersey (which would be ironic). Calipari says that he's a real student with a 3.something suspect GPA. It's hard to believe him considering Cal's previous educational standards. How do we know that he's been doing his own work? I don't really like making an accusation like that, but if you look at Cal's body of work, it's easy to assume the worst. It wouldn't be that hard to pull off. Just ask Clem Haskins.

This guy is dirty. Sure, he wasn't implicated either time, but these things seem to happen on his watch. For as much as I hate Kentucky, I would really hate to see a program I respect tarnished again. When the Eddie Sutton scandal rained hell on Lexington, I thought that it was sad. Kentucky was a great adversary, and watching that team gutted because someone was unscrupulous was hard to. It watered down a great rivalry.

Look, I know what I am talking about. Indiana hired a guy that smelled of scandal several years ago, and they knew he was a bad guy. They did it anyway. Kelvin Sampson single handedly destroyed a storied tradition, and besmirched a program that prided itself on being clean. Indiana is starting over again. Please, Kentucky, don't do the same thing.

I feel like the guy telling a female friend that the guy she's dating is dangerous, and she's screaming back. "You just don't know him." Then I would say, "Sweetie, I know his kind."

We had Kelvin Sampson.

We can recognize a dirty coach.

If not, then, we'll see you on the way back down.

Seriously, What Do The Colts Have To Do?

Also posted on the Indy Star blog Tales of a Hoosier Ex-Pat


Firstly, I'd like to admit that I was wrong. As a long time Colt fan, I started to think that the window had closed on my beloved boys in blue. After, yet again, another devastating playoff loss at San Diego, I started to question if the Colts' era was over. Tony Dungy announced his retirement, and the team waived Marvin Harrison. The team elected to ascend Jim Caldwell as the head coach of the Colts. It sounded like good news to me at first. He had been under Dungy's tutelage for several years and had been long considered the heir apparent.

Then I looked at his résumé. His only head coaching experience was at Wake Forest.

WAKE FOREST!

It would be different if he had rebuilt the program to be a national power and the terror of the ACC. However, he finished 26-63 in eight seasons at Wake, and led the Demon Deacons to only one winning season (7-5 in 1999) and placed no higher than 5^th in the ACC. I started to get that queasy feeling that Dolphin fans who knew Big Ten football got when the Fins hired Cam Cameron.

In week one, the Colts lost Anthony Gonzales to a knee injury, Bob Sanders executed his contractually obligated right to have his annual injury, and Indy only beat the Jags 14-12 at home. Only three words crossed my mind that day.

Eight and eight (ok, technically it's only two words).

I realized that the Colts had lost two of their best receivers from the previous year, and the "heart and soul" of the defense was gone. Who was going to step up in the Wide Receiving corps? Rookie Austin Collie or some guy named Pierre Garçon? Pierre Garçon? You mean the guy who was a sixth round draft pick from a D-III school? Yeah, like that was going to happen.

It all seemed lost the next week in Miami. The Colts couldn't stop the Wildcat, and Peyton spent most of his time on the sideline with Tiger Woods. Miami dominated the game, but the score was close near the end of the game. Manning had one last chance to bring the Colts back. On the first play of the drive he threw a short pass to Garçon, his only reception of the game. He ran the ball 43 yards for a touchdown. In that moment, he became my favorite receiver.

Miami showed everyone the apparent blueprint to beat the Colts, and still couldn't put them away. The Colts had the ball for less than 15 minutes, and it was still enough to defeat the defending AFC East Champions on the road.

It occurred to me that the Colts may not be in as much trouble as I thought. Through injury after injury (Marlin Jackson and Sanders both out for the season, and Kelvin Hayden and Gonzales out for extended periods, along with Dwight Freeney and Joseph Addai missing key games), the Colts have beaten every team they have faced. Sure, they haven't looked like world beaters, but they have gutted their way through some tough spots. Out of 11 wins, six of them came after the Colts trailed in the 4^th quarter, including the satisfying win over the Pats. They know how to win. They can do it under any circumstance.

Yet every week, they are put on "upset alert". What do they have to do to earn the respect of the "experts"? Win a Super Bowl? Come back from a 31-14 deficit in the 4^th quarter against the hated Patriots? The Colts are 11-0, and still each week somebody says the Colts are going down. Nobody pulled this sort of crap when the Pats made their run two years ago; even after they were fortunate to escape Indy with a win (as many say about the Colts' week 10 victory).

True, the Colts haven't been overwhelming in their wins. In the last three games, Peyton has thrown 6 interceptions, yet they still win. So imagine what will happen when he starts playing more like the MVP candidate that he is. The Colts have been going with rookies and deep bench players on the other side of the ball, and they are still undefeated. Now imagine what that D is going to be like with both Freeney and Hayden back.

This week, the Colts will host the Tennessee Titans. True, Tennessee's offense is much different that it was in their October 11^th matchup. They carved up three teams that are better in run defense than the Colts by running a similar Wildcat offense that torched the Colts for 109 yards in Miami. However, the Colts will be facing the same defense it saw in week 5 which Manning went 36/44 for 309 yards and three TDs…and that was before Garçon found his grove. And the game is in Indy. I know that the Titans need a win more than the Colts, but that's true for every team that plays Indy.

My call, Indy 35-21 winners.

But, I have been wrong before.

Night Swimming

Originally posted on the Indianapolis Star Blog "Tales of a Hoosier Ex-Pat"

When you're a kid, there are certain benchmarks that define the year. For me, the summer always had an ebb and flow with some major annual events.

Memorial Day Weekend – Indy 500 and the unofficial start of summer
Last Week of June – Thunder on the Ohio
Fourth of July – Midpoint of summer
Last week of July/First Week of August – Family Vacation
August 17 – My Birthday
Labor Day Weekend – Frog Follies and the unofficial end of summer

As I have gotten older and moved away from Indiana, Thunder and the Follies have become more of a nostalgic concept rather than a seasonal marking of time, and I haven't had a full family vacation since 1987. However, I still view my birthday as the white flag for summertime. This summer was a lot like watching Casino, I sat around and waited for it to start and then it was over. Don't get me wrong. In my old age, and living in an apartment that lacks air conditioning, I'm not overjoyed by sweltering days with 1000% humidity. I'm not really ready to let go of this summer. Not just yet. I really like the fall, but I can put it on hold for a little bit. It's not like my 35^th year was not all roses. D and I had to push back the wedding again, and I became victim 3, 593, 293 of the economy. I really need a fresh start to a new year.

Since I first got Automatic for the People, I have always equated the song "Night Swimming" to my birthday. It's a sentimental song about the end of an era. The song, and the day never used to hit me that hard until about 4 years ago.

There are many things that I am going to miss. I'm going to miss riding my bike in decent weather. I'm going to miss the smell of sun screen. I'm going to miss trying to figure out when the Cubs are going to blow it again. I'm going to miss not hearing from the blowhards in this state go on and on about the stinkin' Vikings. The unbelievable feeling of drinking a cold glass of water will be lost soon, and I'm going to deal with space heaters and frozen cars.

Now, my major events run like this.

October 15 – The average date of the first day of snow
May 3^rd – The latest day of snow in my 7 years in Minnesota
June 1^st – The first of a maximum of 115 days where doing something outside doesn't suck

As REM said in that song "September's coming soon." Happy Birthday to me.

Oh Well…

Originally posted on my Indianapolis Star blog "Tales of a Hoosier Ex-Pat"

Several years ago, my friend Jeff told me that he had a great idea for a screenplay. It was a spoof of a zombie movie.

"It's time for one," he said.

Then he went to see a movie called Shaun of the Dead, and he saw his movie play out in front of him. Jeff sat there in horror as he saw three or four things that he had already written in his unfinished screenplay (all of which prompted great laughter by the audience.)

He told me that it was the worst feeling he ever had as a writer, and he hoped that it would never happen to me.

Let's fast forward to 2007. I had started to put together my first feature length screenplay. It was the result of nine years of research. I had downloaded FBI files, and read biographies. I was 30 pages into a screenplay titled Public Enemy. It started in Tucson, Arizona January 30, 1934 as John Dillinger was set to be extradited to Indiana to face charges that he killed a police officer during a bank robbery in East Chicago.

I was feeling pretty good about the story and what I had written, until D and I went back to Indiana for the holidays. As we were on the way back to Minnesota, I heard a report on Wisconsin Public Radio about how Badger State favorite son, Michael Mann, was going to be in the state shooting a film. I like Michael Mann, so the story caught my attention.

"The untitled film stars Johnny Depp and focuses on the life of John Dillinger."

What did that reporter say?

It was just another excuse to hate Wisconsin.

I immediately put the project on the back burner. My friends who were aware of the project urged me to reconsider, and to continue to work on it.

"It could be totally different than what you're writing," DeAnna said. "He could screw it up. Michael Mann isn't infallible. Look at Heat."

I held on to that hope, but still had the project in suspended animation. I would take a wait and see approach.

Then I saw the trailer, and I wept.

Like Jeff, I sat in horror as I saw one scene exactly as I had envisioned, and one as I had written. I knew what he was feeling in that California movie theater five years ago.

I haven't seen Public Enemies yet. But I will sometime, and I'm going to be keeping notes. I know the history, and I will be the movie's toughest critic. I already have some problems with it. Christian "Good For You" Bale is not who I would cast as Melvin Purvis. And for as much as I love Marion Cotillard (she would be in a laminated list), who is certainly beautiful enough to play Billie Frechette, I still can't figure out what her accent is all about. Research, Michael!

Until then, Public Enemy is a dead project. It may be resurrected in 10 or 15 years, but I don't hold out much hope for it.

My Least Favorite Things

This comment was originally posted on my Indianapolis Star blog "Tales of a Hoosier Ex-Pat"

Two of the four pillars of evil are the New England Patriots and Daylight Saving Time. Both descended onto Indianapolis on Sunday. Coincidence? Hardly.

Well at least one of them was vanquished yesterday. The “Hatriots” came into the game with a 5-2 record, taking on a Colt team that has had an identity crisis throughout the season. The game wasn’t a must win, but was getting to the point that the boys in blue couldn’t take another loss.

Indy’s D turned up big, and Anthony Gonzales’s two TD lets him hold onto his role as the best receiver on the team (enough for me to forgive him for going to “The” Ohio State University…which ironically is the third pillar of evil).

A win over the Hatriots is always fun, but I must admit that this year’s win is not as good as when Tom Brady is playing. Granted, I enjoyed watching Bill Bellacheat outsmart himself (which doesn’t seem to be that hard anymore), but seeing Tom Brady get flustered by the Colts just gives me a tingly feeling in a place I don’t talk about at parties.

Now if we can do the same for Daylight Saving Time, it’ll be a wonderful weekend. I was always proud of the fact Indiana was one of the lone holdouts to resist that idiotic tradition. I believe that DST is nothing more than a conspiracy perpetrated by the owners of golf courses across America.

DST allegedly reduces energy costs, but a study published last year indicated that people use less energy in place that doesn’t observe DST. It turns out that people use exactly one more hour of air conditioning in a DST time zone than in standard time. And where was this study taken? Indiana. That should be more than enough reason to switch back to the way it was. DST is irrelevant now, as we are now a 24 hour society. It’s an outdated concept, like praying to a sun god, saying “dandy”, or casting Rutger Howard as a romantic lead.

Seriously? Central Michigan?

This post orginally was posted on my Indianapolis Star Blog "Tales of a Hoosier Ex-Pat"

I went to firebilllynch.com today, to see if anyone had started the inevitable site. To my dismay, I didn’t see anything. Shocking, I know. Almost as shocking as losing to the second MAC team this year.

I was really hoping that Indiana (3-6, 1-4 Big Ten, 0-2 MAC) would build off of its bowl bid from last year. I was thinking that the Hoosiers were finally back. A new tradition was building.
But it’s painfully obvious that the fire that was building in Memorial Stadium died the exact moment Terry Hoepner passed away. Last year’s seven win season was the coasting of a promising legacy cut tragically short by the death of a passionate talented coach. That legacy was trusted to the man who ran Ball State's football team into the ground.
Indiana lost to Central Michigan. And not only did they lose to the Chippewas, they lost to their back up quarterback. At home. Against a MAC team. Again.

As much as I want to see Hoep’s dream of “defending the rock” at every home game continue with his assistant, it’s time to think about a new tradition, or at least a new direction.