Tiger Woods Owes Me Nothing

Dear Tiger Woods,

Look, I know that you've taken a bunker mentality, and probably won't surface until Augusta. You have been the butt of jokes with late night hosts (except for Letterman…he maybe your sanctuary), which I have to say have been a little dull. It's not like you're a politician that ran on family values, or somebody that has done anything other than be good at hitting a little white ball into a small hole. But I would like to talk to you for just a moment, and then you can go back to your self imposed media exile.

I think that it's nice and all that you have felt the need to send an apology to everyone after your little "incident", but it's totally unnecessary. You don't owe me an apology. In fact, you don't owe me a damn thing. You did nothing to me. You got caught cheating on your wife, and your family will never be the same. Apologize to them, and don't worry about me. You and I aren't friends, and probably never will be. You've never invited me inside your house for dinner and/or a drink. So why would I have to ushered inside the inner workings of the Woods Family now. I know that your 350ish word apology probably wasn't your idea. I'm sure it was composed by a publicist that was more worried about your public image than repairing your marriage.

You've only been a golfer to me, and nothing more. When I got married in September, I can tell you that I never thought, "Hey, what would Tiger Woods do." In fact, the only time when I thought that, it was when I was playing mini-golf (which by the way, cost me the match). I only look to you as the only compelling thing in professional golf. In fact, in my mind, when you aren't playing in a tour event, you don't exist. Your "transgression" doesn't affect my life, my marriage, or my desire to buy Nike shoes or Gatorade.

So take my advice. Make up with your wife, or divorce her…it is America after all. Just do it in the privacy in your own home. I know that others think that they are entitled to know what you're doing, but they aren't. If they care that much about this, they can call you and invite you out for tea and ask. When I'm in line at the grocery store and I see you on the cover of a magazine, it had better be Sports Illustrated, and not on Us Weekly…that's strictly reserved for Brad, Jen and Angelina.

Good luck, and don't watch ESPN for at least a month (except for Stanford's Bowl Game…Go Cardinal!). In fact, don't watch TV or listen to radio. You play golf for a living. How many "Putts" and "It's in the hole" jokes can you really hear?

Sincerely,

 
 

Ian Shane
Minneapolis