I Want to Believe

No, this is not a review of the new X-Files movie, although I have seen it. It’s actually one of those movies you can’t review. It wasn’t bad, and it wasn’t good—all at the same time. I don’t know how this can happen (I think that the United States Government has a lot to do with it). When a movie is like that, it doesn’t lend it self well to a review. It becomes a dull read.

No, this entry has a far more sinister meaning than people being compelled to see David Duchovny sans shirt at the age of 97 (or how ever old he is). It’s about the Chicago Cubs.

I think that it’s fair to note that I have two baseball teams. I have been a Cubs fan since I was six years old, and I became a Red Sox fan soon after I started watching “Cheer’s” (and since Major League, I will always have a soft spot for the Indians). So until 2004, I felt the pain on both sides, especially right after both the Cubs and Red Sox lost their championship series that they should have won the year before. Since then, the Sox have won two commissioner’s trophies, and the Cubs have…well, been the Cubs.

Even after watching the Cubs sweep the Brewers, building a cozy five game lead over both Milwaukee and the hated St. Louis Cardinals, and hearing the youthful optimism of friend and fellow Cubs sufferer “The Reach”, I am really fighting the urge to get excited.

I want to believe. But I just can’t.

I’ve been down that road before. I was convinced that the Cubs would have clobbered the Tigers in the clandestine World Series in 1984, but they found the worst time to lose three games straight to the Padres. San Diego went on to get bounced in five games. One game away. That’s all they were…ONE—FLIPPIN’—GAME. All I got out of this “lesson of life”, as my father called it, was an empty promise of “next year” and Harry Caray rapping.

Then there was 1989, which seemed like a good year for redemption…Then San Francisco proved that they were the superior team, and the one best suited to get waxed in the series…again in five games.

I didn’t really get fired up for 1998, although that was my last trip to Wrigley (Sammy hit 49 off of Orel Hershiser that day), or 2001, but 2003 was a different story. They had the best pitching tandem that I have ever seen in Cubs pin stripes. They were playing a Florida team that was just lucky to even make the playoffs. I call my IMed my friend Ben in California that we were only nine outs away from a dream. All would be forgiven—Lee Durham in 1984, trading Dave Kingman, letting Greg Maddox go. Nine outs away…

And then—

I sat and watched as the Cubs gave the game to the Marlins. I sat in my living room (with my ex-girlfriend there) and buried my face in my hands.

“Dear God…not again.”

And then, like Keyser Soze…it was gone. Florida went on to win the World Series, which was their second in six years, and the Cubs were now 95 year losing streak. It wasn’t fair, and it still isn’t. I know that many Cub fans have forgiven Bartman…but I just can’t. Not now, not ever.

Unless—

Well, I want to believe. But I just can’t.