Repost--Two Bottle Movies: Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band

So, I’ve redesigned the web site, and I have found some of these old essays that are sitting on my server. There are no links to them; forgotten and hidden away like Jimmy Hoffa. I don’t plan to have an archive page, as the site is going to be more Radio Radio centric. As the next few weeks pass, I will repost some of these gems, and I will start writing new material as well. Enjoy.

Two Bottle Movies: Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band
Originally posted on ianshane.com 6 June, 2006

A little bit more than a year ago, my friend Andie purposely rented this movie called Liquid Sky. She told me that it was quite possible the best bad movie of all time. And yes, she was right, it was a really bad movie. The thing that made it entertaining was the two bottles of wine we split.

Thus, a tradition was born.

Here we go with today's movie...

Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band (1979)
Peter Frampton, The Bee Gees, George Burns, a bunch of other people that makes this movie sooooo 70's.

“Plot”
Sergeant Pepper's grandson (Frampton) takes over as the musical leader of “Heartland”. When the he and his band (The Bee Gees) sign a recording contract and leave town, Mean Mr. Mustard steals the valuable instruments from the Sgt. Pepper's Museum, and somehow manages to turn Heartland into Porn City. The band must return the instruments and kick Mustard out of town by calling on Earth, Wind and Fire.

What Makes This a Bad Movie?
You know, if I were John Lennon, I too would pray for someone to shoot me after this movie was made. Lennon and McCartney signing the musical rights for this movie was the biggest Beatles blunder since they let Ringo sing.

Let me give you an idea of how bad this movie is. They made George Burns sing--and that wasn't the low point. But here are some things to look for when you are watching this movie.

- Sandy Farina's version of “Who Loves the Sun” was the worst hatchet job on George Harrison, and this guy was actually attacked by a guy armed with a hatchet.
- Peter Frampton and the Bee Gees…there's four of them, and they're in different colors. Wasn't that prophesied somewhere to be the end of the world?
- Steve Martin and Peter Frampton's duel.
- Alice Cooper's Ron Jeremy style moustache.
- Aerosmith singing a Beatles song (OK, that's funny).

Any Saving Graces?
Billy Preston's version of “Get Back”. The song only…how it fit in the story was actually kinda stupid.

The Wine:
Jake's Fault Shiraz (2003) A very decent Shiraz . It has a nice rich taste, but has a tendency to be a little too bitter.
The Little Penguin Cabernet (2001) Very tasty indeed. It has a smooth taste and is not obtrusive at all. A very good find, and inexpensive, too.