King for a Day - My Open Letter to LeBron James

Dear LeBron,

Well, you have the spotlight tonight. ESPN is carving out an entire hour of programming for your announcement. You are going to tell us for whom you are signing your max contract. That should take less than 10 seconds. How do you plan to fill the other 59:50 of programming?

I’m so excited for you to make your announcement; because after it’s over, I don’t have to hear about it anymore. You’ve become a media coverage addicted diva like Bret Favre. The only difference between the two of you is that Favre has actually won something.

I know that you love the media attention, hearing from teams who are willing to back up a Brinks Truck to your house and the prospect of “stay in Cleveland sex” with Betty White. But really, do you deserve it?

To be fair, you have amassed an impressive résumé. You were the Rookie of the Year (as was Mitch Richmond, Mike Miller and Grant Hill), a two-time MVP (so was Karl Malone), an All Star Game MVP (like Tom Chambers), six-time All Star and you earned the Gold Medal in the 2008 Olympics and the 2007 FIBA World Championships.

But as the theme song for the “Facts of Life” says, you take the good, you take the bad.

You were the marquee player for the disappointing 2004 Olympic team (which lost by 19 points to Puerto Rico. PUERTO FREAKING RICO!) and the 2006 FIBA team, have made the NBA finals only once and completely disappeared during the playoffs in the last two years.

You have yet to win an NBA championship. You’re still young, but the great ones win early. Magic won one in his rookie year (without an injured Kareem). Larry won in his second year. Michael won the first of six championships in his seventh year. Kobe won in his fourth year. Next year is your eighth season.

Tick. Tick. Tick.

If you worked as hard in the post-season as you do in the off-season to get an hour long drone fest about your “greatness”, then you might have a championship ring…and maybe something to talk about for 60 minutes.  As a Pacer fan, I was told over and over that Reggie Miller couldn’t be considered one of the best players in the league, because he hadn’t won an NBA Championship. You may be the most celebrated player in the league, but it don’t mean a thing if you ain’t got a ring.   

The most likely places for you are back to Cleveland, Miami or New York. If I were to pick for you, I’d send you to the Knicks. Why not? You have a lot in common. It’s an overrated, underachieving franchise that hasn’t won a championship in your lifetime.

By the way, if ESPN at anytime plays “Should I Stay or Should I Go” by the Clash during the show tonight, I pray that the ghost of Joe Strummer finds his way to your house and smothers you in your sleep.

Good luck, and get off my TV and radio soon.

Ian Shane

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The Return of the Harpsichord—Golden Brown by the Stranglers

I have always wanted there to be a harpsichord renaissance in music. The sound is unmistakable, and it adds a degree of class to any song. For example, Tori Amos’s CD Boys for Pele features Tori banging away on a harpsichord during several songs.

The harpsichord was invented sometime in the Medieval era. The first reference to the instrument was in 1397 in a written account by a man in northern Italy. It was light weight and carried a powerful sound. However, with all good things, the time of the harpsichord came to an end in the 18^th century. The newly created piano pushed the harpsichord from its rightful place as the keyboard of choice. The harpsichord had a bit of a revival in the 20^th century in England during the Baroque Pop era.

After the ‘70s, the sound of the harpsichord seemed to disappear from the rock scene. If a band would use it, it was just background noise, but never the feature.

In 1981, The Stranglers were trying to redefine their sound during the decline in British punk. Their 1981 album, La Folie, attempted to relate to various forms of love. The first release for the band gave them the commercial and critical resurrection that they, and record label EMI, were looking for.

“Golden Brown” features a harpsichord along with an organ at the beginning. The song, which is a waltz with 3/4 meter for most of the song, delivers a timeless melody.

The meaning of the lyrics has ranged from heroin use to a song about toast. One of the more logical theories is that the song was about lead singer (and composer of the song) Hugh Cornwell’s girlfriend, who was from the Mediterranean and had golden brown skin. That would fit in with the concept of the album (which translated means “The Madness”).

Golden brown texture like sun
Lays me down with my mind she runs
Throughout the night
No need to fight
Never a frown with golden brown

This song was introduced to a new generation (and most of America) with its inclusion to the 1999 film Snatch.

Truthfully, the meaning behind this song is secondary to me. It gives me my musical-geek-like fix by mixing 16^th century instrumentation with 20^th century rock n’ roll. Here’s to hoping more songs like “Golden Brown” are written.

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Positively Fifth Street by James McManus

It’s the time of year when we think of the opportunities we have. Those who have come before us have made it possible to accomplish what we want.

I’m talking about the Main Event at the World Series of Poker. What did you think I was talking about?

Next week thousands of professional poker players, amateurs and Matt Damon will convene in Las Vegas for the shot to win millions of dollars and a gold and diamond bracelet. No other sport has more people compete for the chance to win one championship. Thousands of bar poker leagues send representatives for the chance to make the Main Event. It’s not unheard of for an unknown amateur to make a Cinderella run. Last year, Darvin Moon almost became the WSOP champion, finishing second only to a bulletproof Joe Cada.

However, Moon wasn’t the first Cinderella at the final table.

Ten years ago, journalist Jim McManus was sent to Las Vegas for two reasons; to cover the Ted Binion murder trial and to chronicle the rise of women players at the WSOP. While he does his task, he takes his advance and enters a satellite tournament. The winner gets a seat at the Main Event. He outmaneuvers poker pro Hasan Habib and plays his way into the WSOP Main Event.

This is the incredible true story in Positively Fifth Street, penned by the man who made an incredible run to a fifth place finish. His book plays out a lot like Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil, where the writer becomes part of the story, mixed with a cast of characters who you think are too unbelievable to be true.

We spend some time with Ted Binion’s murder and the accused killers; his cheating girlfriend, Sandy Murphy, and her boy-toy Rick Tabish. The trial has many twists and turns that would have made the writers for “Law & Order” have a plot orgasm.

The tournament coincides with the WSOP Main Event, which is being played for the last time at its ancestral home, Binion’s Horseshoe Casino (yes…the same Binion). McManus, a lifelong poker player, pores through poker books the same way a college student crams for a final. He practices poker hands on a computer while reading David Sklansky, T.J. Cloutier and Doyle Brunson (Side Note: You can’t get two styles of play that are more different than Brunson and Cloutier). In the Main Event, McManus plays face to face with poker psychic (which if you’ve ever seen him correctly guess what other players have; you’d use the same word. It’s downright scary) Daniel Negreanu, has a return go around with Habib, plays his “mentor” Cloutier and eventual champion Chris “Jesus” Ferguson.

It’s so well written with a judicious sprinkling of classic literary references.

Even if you’re not a poker fan, read it. If you become a fan after that, watch the highlights on ESPN.

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